Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Did you feel that wind?

So...I guess I have to continue this blog, huh? Okay, here goes..

I grew up in a home and church where God was taught, talked about and in some ways forced upon us. I accepted Jesus in my heart at a very young age. I knew who God was. I didn't hang out with guys & girls in high school because no one was a Christian (Notice my sarcastic tone. Who am I to decide if someone is a Chrstian? Which is my point.). I couldn't hang out with people, especially guys outside of school because...well...didn't they do really bad things all the time? Yes, I was certain that they did and I couldn't be a part of those really bad things. Because then God wouldn't like me. So, I spent as much time at church or church events as much as I could. I had to. If I didn't, I wasn't really a Christian. I mean, isn't that how it works??

 I even went to a bible college after graduating from High School. I read my Bible as much as I could. I was a good Christian. I did all the right things. God was proud of me, I was sure of it. My life was floatin' along good and smooth.

I graduated from Elim Bible Institute and moved back home to start on my next grand adventure. I was so ready...couldn't have been more ready. I couldn't imagine what exciting thing God had for me next! I had done so many good things for Him, He surely had something amazingly great for me. Yeah...I was probably going to go overseas to some foreign land that no one had ever heard of to preach at them (yes, I said preach AT them) about God. Or be a youth leader to a group of teenagers that were messed up and needed someone to show them how to not be messed up anymore. Ooooh or meet a wonderfully tall and handsome man that knew his calling in life was to be a Pastor~yes, that was my goal. You can't get holier than that, right?

So, I was ready to get that call that some huge church needed a youth pastor. Or that someone in Africa needed help with their ministry. Or that the man of my dreams (the one who wore suits all the time and always smiled and would tell me how amazing I was all of the time and was ready to Pastor his own church) would walk into my church and the second our eyes met, would be love,...*sigh* first sight. I was ready for any one of those things to happen. So ready. So I waited.

And waited.

And... .waited.

All of a sudden, one day out of nowhere, it started. I got the call. I felt the whirlwind starting.

But, uhh, wait...this whirlwind was starting to scare me a little bit. It wasn't the kind that I was thinking of. It didn't have anything in it that I wanted. The worst part...I couldn't stop it. There was nothing I could do to change what was about to happen. It seemed as if a bad nightmare was unfolding before me.

All of the control that I thought I had was stripped from me. It was torn from my hands. This whirlwind was picking up every part of my life, hurling and destroying it in front of my eyes. Things that I once held so dear to me were gone. My life was about to change, drastically and fast. I didn't even have time to take a breath. Was my heart still beating? Because it felt like it might have stopped and I can't remember if it started again. Maybe that's because a part of me died back there..somewhere. And it was a sudden death, one that I was not expecting or ready for. This was nothing close to what I had in mind for my next adventure in life.

Wait, was this even my life?

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