But for today, here I am. Hmm...ya know how you can think of a million things to write about during the day but when you sit down to do it, your mind is like a blank canvas with no inspiration??? Okay, let's find some... .. .. ...Oh yeah, I live in Nashville, TN ya'll!!! I'm here. Ya know how when you're younger and you start dreaming about your future and you can almost taste your dreams? And how you would day dream thinking about them? And how you couldn't wait to start on them? And then have you had something that side-tracked them? Something that made you question whether those were just childish dreams of unrealistic things that happen to only people who get lucky or are born into money? And maybe those dreams were just day dreams and nothing more?
I did. Last year.
I wasn't sure where my life was going. I didn't know where I'd be a year from then. Eli Young Band's song, 'Keep On Dreaming' was a favorite of mine but after things not working out time after time, it quickly became my least favorite song. I actually remember thinking that dreams don't come true. You just get lucky. When 'Keep On Dreaming' came on the radio on my drive from New York to Tennessee I regretted for a moment ever doubting.
Being one step closer to your dreams does something to you. It reminds you how to live again. Before whatever bad thing, life in general or doubt happened to you. It reminds you to breathe in deeper. It reminds you that there is someone who wants you to not only succeed but to soar.
As I sit on my front porch, in Nashville Tennessee, with my lemon infused water next to me and this view:
I can't believe I ever doubted. But I am so thankful that it didn't stop my life from happening exactly how it was suppose to happen. When I came home from Michigan, after graduating from Douglas J Aveda, there were people that asked my why I came home. Like it was a failure of sorts. I never understood that. These last six years haven't been the easiest but they were so full! I was able to spend them with my grandparents, helping my grandmother bake & cook to get ready for hoildays; spending time with 3 children that I adore & was home for the birth of the third; being able to help my cousin after having a hard delivery with her little girl & being able to bond with her for her first few months of life on this earth; learning a lot of lessons with all the different jobs I had; working with the youth & children in my church & planning 3 VBS events that changed my life forever; being able to be with my mom & brothers & sister-in-law & some of the single most important moments of my life-being there for my nephews first year on this earth; spending six years of holidays with people that I love and adore; living close to one of my closest friends; seeing my uncle accomplish one of his dreams of Pastoring his own church; being able to be in weddings, seeing family and friends have babies & love on them. So, was moving home after graduating from Douglas J. six years ago a mistake, not for one second of them. And I of course have to mention that staying in Michigan would have been a piece of cake with the family and friends I had & made there.
Really, I have been blessed beyond measure in my life. I have never needed for anything. I've had to work pretty damn hard but it taught me so much. Last year, I've never felt closer to God. A very hard year professionally but one of the best personally. I learned more about who I was last year than in pretty much my whole life. Because He is good. He is really, really good.
Reflection is something that brings about inspiration and clarity to your life. What I went through 10 years ago doesn't define who I am. The choices I make today define that. To not let your past hurt, pain & anger ruin your future is a 24 hour job in itself. I haven't been perfect at it by any stretch of the imagination, ask my mom. But every day I try to change for the better so that I'm improving. Staying stagnant is one of my greatest fears. But you know what the least scariest thing about that is? It's up to me whether I stay in mucky waters or I push against the currant to strengthen my life. I am who I am because of the choices I make daily. That's what makes me who I am. Not any negative part of my past. And you know what, you're not that much different than me. We are free to be who we want to be. Deep down inside us. Those people that we use to dream about accomplishing big things. If you aren't going after them, they're still there. They're just waiting for you to visit and to remind you what your future holds. Don't doubt them. Learn & take in everything you can while they get ready to bring you to your next step. Even if you can't see the light. Trust that they can and that they will lead you to it.
Don't let hope go. She is there for us to hold onto as tightly as we want.
And when you do look back and see your pain or depression or fear coming out in texts, or emails or Facebook status', remember... .That's not who you ARE.
Well, I guess I figured out what to write about. I missed this.